The ass has classically been both a forbidden and glorious area. We are here today to go over some tools you can use to achieve rectal bliss.
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room though. Guys, it is okay to be penetrated anally. Yes there is a stigma and this can make it embarrassing to admit to wanting to explore this with your mate. We all know you will find one way or another to try it though. So instead of hiding it and starting to get into salacious homosexual affairs, have the awkward conversation with your partner and go from there.
While we are at it guys, no girl wants SURPRISE ANAL. Girls, your man may say that he wants nothing to do with the butt, that he is much too gentlemanly to even begin to have an inkling of a thought in regards to your rear. Talk is just talk though. Once he gets his pumping going, every now and then this dangerous thought will come to his mind. “This is the time she will want it in her ass” he will think. And then, we’ve all seen it.
He starts to make awkward thrusts and seems to be slipping in and out more and bashing about your taint. You know it, he is trying to go for the ‘Oops’ method of anal sex, not realizing you are much too smart to be tricked by such a ploy. So you shut him down and he sulks both for not getting to fuck the ass but also for being caught. This may be the end of playtime for the day, but that won’t stop him a month from now from trying the same move again.
As long as society has its hangups and somehow there are still anti-sodomy laws in some states, anal sex has just enough taboo. And it is with this taboo teetering on the edge of wholly unacceptable that makes it so fucking hot. Nothing is more arousing than something feeling wrong. It is why a lot of ‘first timers’ porn sells so well.
So straights, gays, lesbians, pans, asexuals, EVERYBODY IN HERE. Maybe it is something you would like to explore, either by yourself or with a mate. It could be you are a seasoned anal pro looking for some new equipment to add to your arse anal (arsenal). Perhaps the thought of anal disgusts you, if so, stay along for the ride, it might spark up some good conversation from the guy who keeps trying to pound your butthole.
One more PSA, have you noticed how some of the euphemisms for the asshole have the word rusty in them? The act of the rusty trombone or rusty sprocket etc. I finally put two and two together and realized rusty things need oil. In this case your asshole ALWAYS NEEDS LUBE. Lube early and lube often kids.
One other more PSA. Don’t try to use all of these at once, or you will have an asshole that could transport the entire earth into another dimension.
We are going to start with ways to ease into anal pleasure and slowly most up to some hearty asspunchers later on. A good place to start is with one of these training kits. The TruBliss Eros, Premium Silicone Butt Plug and Anal Starter Kit has the added benefit of providing lube, lest you get your pack and realize you don’t have any lube and try using vaseline. Let’s steer clear of vaseline fellow deviants.
Silicone is a much better material to start with than metal. So this set will help you ease into ass penetration in the most comfortable way possible. The nice thing about trainer sets is that it does also allow you to graduate into higher grades of butt bangin.
If you are reading this, it is likely that you have seen anal beads. While for some they may like the ones that look like a necklace that you shove on right up your ass and then pull out making it look like a sick octopus throwing up, me, I ain’t about them. With that said we are going to go with beads that are a little more… sturdy. That brings us to the UTIMI Transformable 6-Frequency Vibrating Anal Beads.
The UTIMI Transformable 6-Frequency Vibrating Anal Beads is also a great choice for beginners. You can go in as far as you would like, and the vibrating sensation can help distract from any initial feelings of discomfort. This particular product is very soft, which is important for any buttvirgins out there. Even the well weathered anal adventurer will enjoy the 6 speed settings as you turn your body into a personal tuning fork.
Beads, plug, beads, plug, beads DAMMIT I CAN’T DECIDE. With the Vibrating Anal Plug and Silicone Anal Beads Anal Chain – Healthy Vibes G-spot Vibrator Prostate Massager you don’t have to! Either enjoy slowly, tantalizingly teasing your ass with the bead end, or insert the plug, kick up the vibrations, and blast your asshole until you can’t take it anymore and explode with pleasure.
Or do both, I won’t judge, that is the beauty of the Healthy Vibes G-spot Vibrator Prostate Massager. If you are using the plug you can also marvel at the beads moving around to the vibrations like a rattler coming out of your ass, or maybe you use the plug and your mate stimulates her ladybits with the beads. The possibilities for shared of self pleasure are endless.
“Speak Softly and Carry a slowly enlarging buttplug that also vibrates” – Andrew Jackson, probably.
This gives us the beauty of one of the starter kits while also having the convenience of leaving the plug in there and increasing size gradually (you will be surprised by how hungry your ass gets even after a little prepatory penetration)
Yes the Trinity Vibes Vibrating Inflatable Anal Plug may look like a fancy blood pressure device, but I can assure you that the only thing rising will be your arousal as you first insert the plug, inflate it, and then let the vibrations carry you to buttacular bliss.
Something I haven’t mentioned yes but is almost as important as lube. And that is using an enema/douche prior to anal play. This is one way to get your truly weak-willed boyfriend to get up in that ass even if he is afraid of a little shit on his dick. Shoot some warm water up your colon, let it out, repeat until the water comes out clean (feel free not to let him see this part).
Now that we are all cleaned up, we can explore all that the Butt Plug Kit with Sex Lube and Enema Bulb, PALOQUETH 4 Pieces Silicone Anal Plug Sex Toys with Suction Cup Base (Black) has to offer. We have another great kit for slowly graduating up the anal ladder, and have the added bonus of a suction cup.
Solo artists know the vast importance of the suction cup. This allows you to ride the plug to ecstasy by yourself. Those of you into, or looking to get into sissygasms will want to know that the cowgirl position over a suction cup dildo or plug gets some of the best results. The PALOQUETH 4 Pieces Silicone Anal Plug Sex Toys with Suction Cup Base will have cum dribbling out of your soft cock in no time.
Here we have a no nonsense, great feeling, and affordable butt plug. Another great starter plug, the Trinity Vibes Aria Vibrating Silicone Anal Plug sports a nice tapered design for ease of entrance, and a base that will most assuredly not allow the plug to go up into your ass. Nobody wants to have that doctor’s visit.
The Trinity Vibes Aria Vibrating Silicone Anal Plug does come in other sizes as well, so that if this does become your preferred plug, there is room to (figuratively and literally) grow.
The EROKAY Silicone Wavy Vibrating Butt Plug Anal Vibrator is a great two way player. Made for both ass and pussy, it can hit the sweet spot in both. This would be the prostate (a known thing that totally exists) and the g-spot (guys swear this is on some Bermuda Triangle shit.) Here we also delve into a wonderful corkscrew design that will fill your ass in a different and wholly pleasurable way.
The EROKAY Silicone Wavy Vibrating Butt Plug Anal Vibrator sports ten sensual frequencies that not even ten erotic radio stations could hope to replicate. Let its corkscrew design drill away your partner’s inhibitions as you watch their body squirm from the intense sensation. It will only be a matter of time before their eyes roll back, their mouths open, and they scream as a forceful orgasm pops out of their body.
Tails are a thing, so we are going to go into tails here, and specifically the YiZYiF Stainless Steel Faux Fox Tail . Bashing furries is so last decade, so who cares if maybe your lass wants to have a fox tail sprouting out of her ass while you go to town on her foxxy puss. Guys too, maybe y’all wouldn’t mind feeling a little mischievous as you feel the fox tail caress the back of your thighs.
The tail is also a great toy for sharing your nudes on various places of the internet. The YiZYiF Stainless Steel Faux Fox Tail practically pays for itself if you ease it in and then take some playful pictures. There will always be guys on the internet willing to pay money for your naked form. The tail gives them some added incentive.
When it comes to going into the ass, softer is always better for a good part of the journey. So now we have Doc Johnson Crystal Jellies – Anal Delight – 5 Inch – Purple to talk about. Soft and yet firm enough to let you know that it is in control and owns your asshole now. It offers a nice balance between beginner and advanced penetration so that you can start off timidly with the first bit until you realize your hunger cannot be sated until you have this entire toy housed within you.
The Doc Johnson Crystal Jellies – Anal Delight – 5 Inch is another toy with a suction cup base, which means we can fuck ourselves anytime anyplace as much as we want.
Here is where we will go into prostate orgasms. Guys, this is something you will want to try out at least once. Imagine the odd sensation of having a mind-blowing orgasm but having either a half-aroused or not hard at all cock. Reports say once you have it you will become addicted.
The much preferred toy of the Cum From Anal/Hands Free community is the Aneros Helix Syn Silicone Prostate Massager. Eases in great, and is comfortable for long periods of time, which is important when attempting to awaken your prostate into spewing out its viscous nectar.
You don’t just have to play alone though, your mate can take control guiding the Aneros Helix Syn Silicone Prostate Massager while you lay back and lose control of all your senses. Just remember, don’t touch your dick at all, this makes it better… or you know, so I’ve been told.
There are just so many ways people want to wear things in their ass. Some people love keeping their plug in as they go to work, school, dinner etc. If you are going to do so, why not have your asshole live it up. It could be living the decadent lifestyle that you yourself could only dream of. Treat it to a Large Steel Tulip Jeweled Butt Plug Violet Fetish BDSM Sex Gear by The Kink Factory USA. It deserves it after all the (literal) shit you put it through.
The purple jewel will have your asshole shine with the decorum of an antebellum period southern belle. We have gone on into bigger plugs now. So you will want to have some experience before you attempt to achieve such opulence. Also since it is metal you don’t want to skimp on price. Cheap metal plugs may be hollow and straight up shatter in your ass, nobody wants that. And with the Large Steel Tulip Jeweled Butt Plug Violet you won’t have to worry.
What is this you say? Why yes, it is a tunnel straight into your asshole station that any dicktrains can come through. Let’s say you want a plug, but also want to make sure your mate can fuck you in the ass. Then the Perfect Fit Large Tunnel Plug is going to be your go-to toy. This is an especially great toy for gay couples as there are a fewer number of holes to work with. This way you get to have your cake and eat it too. And this cake is delicious.
Alright, this is the Duke of New York A#1 choice of assfuckers everywhere. We are going slightly more rigid and bigger here. The IMO Vibrating Anal Plug and Prostate Massager is so great that you and your partner will be fighting over who gets to use it. Play nice and take turns my little deviants (clean up in between recommended).
With the light up display, you can have a fast and furious fuck session that only Vin Diesel could have imagined. Your ass will speed along as if your body were run by nitrous oxide into overdrive. Smooth, sleek, and with a plethora of vibration settings, this is the fucking Cadillac of anal play.
Alright, first-timers and amateurs, read on, but we in the big dog’s house now. Don’t try these until you’ve put in enough anal sky miles to cash in on a larger plug. The Njoy Pure Plug Large is just what you need to fill what aches ya. This is a nice, weighty, you’ll definitely know it is fucking in there plug. Thank whatever deity you pray to that they designed a perfect pullout ring to keep this bad boy from going in and never coming back.
Also included with the Njoy Pure Plug Large is some Sliquid Sassy Anal Lube. And if you can take this piece then you are gonna feel sassy as hell. So why not have the lube to fit your personality?
Right here we have the damn Burberry of butt plugs. The Mr-S-Leather World’s Most Comfortable Butt Plug are the top of the line and are priced appropriately. But for the quality of craftsmanship, solid aluminum and medical grade rubber, it is well worth the price.
We are going to look at the cheekily (yes I do see what I did there) names XXXl size. The one featured on the far left side of the above image. This thing is a BEAST. See those other sizes next to it Nancies? Those ones are for you. Leave the big plug to the tough, hardy, never fuck with men and women of this fine ass nation. This buttplug is some only in America patriotic ass shit. I don’t want to have your eyes deceive you. So here are the dimensions for the Mr-S-Leather World’s Most Comfortable Butt Plug. Of course pay special attention to the XXXLARGE
Yeah, 2.54 inch radius, just try to pi r squared that shit. Yes this has turned into having some anal fun into hero worshiping all individuals who can take the XXXL size. But goddamit they deserve it. I would never fight anyone who can handle this plug, cuz what the hell could you possibly do to them?
Someday Mr. S Leather, someday. For now though it will just have to be one of the other, easier to handle, differently sized plugs.
Okay speaking of beasts, I just had to throw this one in.
JESUS CHRIST. I knows this looks like a monopoly piece, but I am just going to put in the product description.
- Made from over 8 pounds of steel
- Life-sized piece will be the gleaming centerpiece in your toy collection
- Imagine being penetrated and filled to the brim with a clenched fist of solid steel‘
Imagine actually playing monopoly with this, you just slam it down and say fuck you gonna do. They do nothing because they are bitches.
If you can handle this, you may be superman. This is some destructive goatse (you kids in your 20s may have to look that up, don’t look it up) ass shit. It is so intimidating that Governor has made it into my circle of friend’s lexicon. No longer will we fuck someone up, we Governor them.