Why good evening my delightful decadent deviants. Today we are going to discuss a cleaner (oh my) topic. Okay you can now shut your gaping mouths and unclutch those pearls, we are still discussing something that happens in porn so don’t worry.
Cleanliness is next to godliness they always say, and while usually we tend more towards the devilishness, there are times where we will want to look to our haloed brethren. It is always good to be clean prior to some intense sexual escapades.
Obviously this does not include messing around with food in the bedroom. In the least subtle way possible, we’re going to discuss how to avoid shitting on your partner. For the purposes of this article we are talking about good old clean American bangin.
…. in the butt. Yes kids, today we are going to discuss enemas. Enemas, or anal douches (Bono) depending on the circles you run in are a rather important part of nice happy clean anal play. This is especially true for the squeamish who would rather not have one molecule of their member touch upon thine shit.
This is not going to be a glamorous moment in your life that you look back on with fond memories. Putting up with this now however means you and your partner can enjoy a wild night of passion. It will be worth it!
Just some more procedural crap (I crack myself up sometimes). You don’t want to douche too often. There are some bacteria that old Ralph Rectum produces that are kind of important, so you don’t want to be washing that out all the time. Also you will want to use plenty of lube after, since you are washing away butt lubricants as well. Getting anything in there without lube is going to be like trying to put a rubber glove on a wet hand.
Okay one last last bit I swear. We use the word douche but GOOD GOD DO NOT THINK YOU CAN USE SOME MASSENGIL ASS SHIT IN YOUR BUTT. Rule of thumb, no vinegar in the ass. Your butt is a princess, so warm water is the only fluid allowed up there for now. What fluids you allow up there later on is entirely your choice…
So the quick and dirty rules are:
- Put water in your ass
- Expel the water
- Repeat until the water is clear
They’ll recommend you take an old dumper about an hour prior. You will want to lube the applicator as you need to get it up a bit in there to do the job properly. BY NO MEANS TRY USING ONE OF THOSE EAR/SUCK UP BABY SNOT BULBS. What’s that small-ass thing gonna do, tell your asshole hello and spit on it a little bit?
Now that the fun is out of the way, lets take a look at a few enema kits that we can use to clean our filthy dark colon.
1.) Douche / Enema for Women and Men – Large (7.6oz) x 2 Nozzles – Soft Safe Medical Bulb – by Cor-Vital
Okay gang we are going to start simple. And what could be simpler than the old enema bulb. It is nice for our budget conscious folks. It is basically a heartier version of the ear bulb I was railing on about a bit earlier. This one though has the balls necessary to get up in there and get water where it needs to be. After you are done you will want to wash one of the two nozzles that it comes with (whichever was in your ass of course) with antibacterial soap.
For those that don’t wanna fuck around, and get the water in that ass, the Douche / Enema for Women and Men by Cor-Vital is the way to go.
2.) Douche and Enema System by Healthy Vibes (10 oz, Black) – Deluxe Home Enema for Anal or Vaginal Douching Aids in Hygiene
Here we have the old two in one. This bad boy can be used to squirt into either the butt of an individual or a vagina (something in a vagina? Well I’ll be damned). The Douche and Enema System by Healthy Vibes is a bit more curved than the previous entry, to ensure easy insertion into any hole. It also sports a flat base to keep from tipping over.
There is one bit in the product description of The Douche and Enema System by Healthy Vibes though: “ They’re compatible with all types of liquids, so you can use the enema with lemon juice, tea, or whatever fluid you prefer. ” No kids, we are not brewing Earl Grey in our assholes. We have not leveled up to such an act. WE ARE STICKING WITH WATER.
These last few are all from butt cleaning experts Cleanstream. It seems when you need some top rated things to shove up your ass and sandblast away the nastiness, Cleanstream are the folks you want to talk to. We go into a few… more different enema kits from here on out.
Our first step down the Cleanstream path is the Easy Flow Enema Cleansing Kit with Silicone Attachment. This is one of them there doohickeys that attaches right to your shower nozzle. Basically you attach it to the nozzle, and use the flow control so that it doesn’t fire hose so hard water comes out of your mouth.
The Easy Flow Enema Cleansing Kit also comes with a delectably sensual silicone attachment. Hell yeah we get to talk about hot stuff for a second. Enemas are very arousing for some folks. This gives us the added bonus of getting to be fucked by the enema. In my parts we call this the old “Ream and Clean”.
It is still recommended that the ass water gets expelled into the toilet as opposed to spraying your shower with it, but hey we aren’t cleaning it up.
Well looky here. Hrrm.. gee we have to spew out the shit water into the toilet. So why not turn the toilet into an enema? The Cleanstream Toilet Enema Attachment Set gives us the halfway bidet that we have always dreamed of. Well of course it contains a lot more penetration.
The Cleanstream Toilet Enema Attachment Set is a lot like the shower attachment, but doesn’t make us have to go into the shower to use it. You attach it to the valve at the base of the toilet, and can control the flow going into your ass. We call this the “we have no quippy saying for an asshose on the toilet” in my parts.
Okay here we go, the doctor’s delight. If you want some quality ass enemas, here is where we wanna go. The Cleanstream Premium Silicone Enema Set could easily masquerade in any hospital. This is the wonderful gravity bag and hose model. This one even comes with a travel bag so we can make house calls!
When I accidentally (yeah accidentally) end up watching enema porn it involves a bag system. So it may just be that The Cleanstream Premium Silicone Enema Set could spice up your explosive sex life. It could also possibly get you your start as a budding adult film actress.
This model is top of the line with a bag that can hold a gallon of fluid. It also contains four tips and a flexible hose to be able to receive the most comfortable enema possible.
So there we have it gang, I apologize that this probably left you less erect/wet than usual. But hey this was a worthwhile subject to cover. So why not get on over and peruse these premiere ass cleaning products for your ribald rumps today.