Let’s just get this out in the open and say that one of the hottest positions in sex is holding up your partner while you pump away. There are some pitfalls though. One of the main problems being positioning, either you run the risk of falling over backwards and ruining your back (making it more difficult to thrust in the future) or you smash your partner against a wall which, depending on construction, may have the two of you bursting through like some sort of intertwined juggernaut.
But we still want to play don’t we? So let’s look to the PLAYground. Maybe some other time we will look towards the sex slide or sex monkey bars, but today it is the sex SWING. The swing was invented a long time ago and according to my sexual history degree (not accredited) it was likely used for carnal release days after creation. So now we can participate in the standing up plowing we all know and love while your lover is suspended in the air, and have the added bonus of an extra range of motion which you don’t have while merely holding them up. Let’s take a look at five that you just HAVE to try.
We start out by exploring your wild side. The leopard print swing belts will have you feeling like Tarzan while giving it to your own personal Jane. The bonus here is instead of attempting to construct anything out of vines, your partner will instead be supported by the fluffy bands so that when you bungle in the jungle they will be be supported and comfortable.
Around the world in eighty seconds, or minutes, though Jules Verne would recommend days. After the intense arousal you were feeling after thinking about the 360 degree range of motion that this swing offers I figured I would conjure up an image of an old dead author to calm you down. The Trinity 360 Degree Spinning Sex Swing is great for those that love to switch positions in the bedroom. Imagine no longer having that awkward in between phase when going from missionary to doggy. Now just a quick spin and you can get right back into it.
People love the long, hard, thick… spring that comes with this model. It is heavy duty and provides even more comfort and stability. The Trinity 360 Degree Spinning Sex Swing will be sure to have you and your partners heads spinning after use each and every time.
The Utimi Hanging on Door Bondage Sex Swing in Black is a great choice for those just starting out, those looking for some discretion, or those who are very cheap. Worry not about having to install it on a ceiling and hoping and praying that your horny carpentry skills were up to par. You can use this on just about any door in your house. At an absurdly low price point, anybody can pick this up and get their kink on.
Let’s say you want to get a quick session in before the in-laws come over for dinner at your new house. You know that they will want to inspect every little bit so that they can verbally compliment and mentally judge your new abode. But you will know that you just finished ravishing their daughter against the very door that they are now commenting on. You have of course already hidden the Utimi Hanging on Door Bondage Sex Swing in a closet. You then knowingly smirk at your wife.
Adjustable, adjustable, adjustable. That is the defining trait of the Whip Smart Pleasure Swing. Myself, I am not a very good “measure twice, cut once” kind of person. I am more of the “get it set up as quickly as possible and start using this damn thing” individual.
So lets say we are too horned up and ready to go at it to realllllly get things set up right. Then halfway through somebody starts to get a kink in their leg or some other discomfort. In a normal sex swing this would mean having to get out, readjust, and then get back in. In this amount of time boners die, each precious second you are out of the swing your manfriend could start thinking about baseball, video games, food, and other countless things that may keep you from getting the climax you need while they quickly jack off somewhere.
Not so in the Whip Smart Pleasure Swing. This baby can adjust while you are in it. So a quick reset here or there and right back at it. The good people at Whipsmart want to make sure you both finish.
Okay we are going to have a very quick vocabulary lesson. Do you know what inversion means in the title of the YOGABODY Naturals Yoga Trapeze-Yoga Swing/Sling/Inversion Tool? It means UP SIDE DOWN. I’ll just let that setting in your mind for a moment. Do the standing 69 that you never thought possible before. Not all sex swings have to be inherently sex swings. Some can operate under the guise of something else. In this case the devil looked for some help from India. Out of the gifts India has given us, two come to mind right now. Yoga, and of course THE KAMASUTRA. What better tool to utilize both than the YOGABODY Naturals Yoga Trapeze-Yoga Swing/Sling/Inversion Tool. So both of you center your chakras as you use ancient eastern techniques until mutual carnal explosion.
Also let’s face it, we can all use to be a little more flexible, especially in the bedroom. So from time to time actually use the YOGABODY Naturals Yoga Trapeze-Yoga Swing/Sling/Inversion Tool for well, yoga. Both your body and your lover will thank you when it is time to get it on with the fierceness of Kali (that bloody-titted, four armed Hindu evil goddess).
So there you have it pervs, pervettes, kinksters, kinsterettes, and all other wonderful sexual beings out there. Now nothing stands in your way, you have the know-how, the options, and already had the desire. So go out there and make a purchase so you can start swingin today!